My Teendumb

Boys will ruin you.

Once you’ve had sex, you’ll need it–

females like sex,

even though we shouldn’t.

Because boys only ruin us.

So stay away from boys–

but do take pride in your looks.

Because boys don’t like girls who don’t wear make-up.

I’m tired of looking at your plain face.

And here’s a bikini–go wash my car;

the boy across the street might like you if you look like a girl.

But stay away from boys.

Because they only want one thing.

Maybe you should stay away from everyone.

I don’t like how close you are with that girl friend of yours.

Are you a lesbian?

Please, don’t be gay, my daughter–

it’s a sin against Jehovah.

Not that I care about Jehovah. I’m not a Witness anymore.

But my mother and father would be disgusted

if they knew I raised a lesbian.

Just…look pretty, but don’t like boys or girls.

Don’t like sex.

Don’t be human.

Be pretty.

And don’t live.

I’ve picked out a casket for you.

You’ll be comfortable.

You’ll never have to feel life.

Human connection is over-rated–

especially if you think you might like girls–

especially if you know you do like boys.

A girl liked me once, and it made me uncomfortable.

Because Jehovah doesn’t like that sort of business.

Not that Jehovah matters.

Maybe I should call your dad.

Maybe your dad can straighten you out.

Straighten you out…








19 thoughts on “My Teendumb

  1. Pingback: Untouchable Male Virgin | Vox Humbug

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