Scorched Earth

Strong emotion of any kind

was not viewed favorably when I was growing up

My mother

my grandmother

my aunts

my uncles

my cousins

my teachers

the parish priest

made clear to me

that I was

Too opinionated

Too smart

Too stubborn

Too questioning

Too challenging

Too sarcastic

Too me

I would always sigh and think to myself

 

I was told not to be angry

about this

or that

or the other thing

The list of things that it was acceptable to be angry about

was a very short  list

 

My whole childhood I was taught

that my anger

my rage

was a fearsome thing

that must be contained at all times

When it erupted

with teeth

and fire

in my adolescence

I was reminded again that it was to be subdued

wrestled back into its cage

kept under strict lock and key

I couldn’t quite decide if they thought I needed

an emotional chastity belt

or straight jacket

 

I entered adulthood

still believing that if I ever allowed

my rage to be fully unleashed

it would have the power

the suppressed energy

to ruin all my relationships

level mountains

boil the seas

pull the earth out of its gravitational orbit

destroy life as we know it

Some days

I still believe that.

 

© 2017 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All rights Reserved

7 thoughts on “Scorched Earth

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